Ramona Gore's Final Exam Piece- Scenario

     Context/ Reflection

         I have decided for my final exam I will do a scenario we were given the chance to do in class. In this piece I will demonstrating my skills of "Show, don't tell!" I thought this would be a good choice for this assignment, because this piece seemed to need a bit of work on it. Well reviewing it I was alerted to the fact that it's not very clear about the location of the story. It needed better descriptive words. I decided that I would go back and try to make the location more clear without giving the location away. That involved using words and actions you would expect at the place. The changes I made make the story more suspenseful and appealing to the senses. You can imagine more what the setting actually is. 

     Writing Piece

      The sun shined down from the sky reflecting down on me. Heat sizzled from everyone and everything. Groups were scattered across the concrete deck. Little kids were screaming and splashing one another while their moms glared at them from their lounge chairs. Laughter could be heard from all around me. Vanilla drips were scattered across the deck from innocent ice cream cones. Water could be seen flying up into the air and falling again into a drizzle. I flicked my feet in the refreshing blue water as I observed the scene around me. I felt a shadow loom over me, blocking the sun. My breath caught in my throat as I felt the ground suddenly move beneath me. I turned my head forward and saw a range of blue heading right for me. I sucked in air as fast as I could and prepared for the worst. Crash! Splash! Pain hit me hard like slamming into concrete. The pain slowly faded to a dull throb. I was surrounded by the shock of cold. My eyes stung from the still water that I had disturbed. I felt my lungs tightening as I slowly drifted farther down. I hurriedly moved my arms and legs to escape my imprisonment from air. I burst through the surface, once again disturbing the wide aqua surface. The sun beamed down on me warming my face. I turned towards the shore and saw a shining face with a smile plastered across it staring right at me. Realization hit me in the head. My gaping mouth and wide eyes soon became a deep creased face with a murderous glare. Let the war begin.

About the Author

Hello reader. My name is Ramona Gore and is a fellow student at Dewitt Middle School. Last year I was a pretty good writer. I was getting good grades on all my papers. I had a good story in mind when writing, what it should be like. However, this year I improved quite some bit. I learned more words to use instead of just using said or exclaimed. Just basic words we always use. This year I also learned about "Show, don't tell" which I liked a lot. I liked the way we used descriptive words and how they all blended together. It was an interesting challenge to try to figure out the right words in order to get the idea across about the plot and everything. On a scale of 1- 10 my improvement level would be 8. The reason why is because I have learned a lot more thanks to my English teachers, but feel like I could learn and do more. There is always next year.