The Story of my Possibly Pyromaniac Childhood
Context and Reflection
For my final exam I am going to do a revision for my slice of life that was about that one moment I wanted to capture in a picture. I want to show how I have learned to use words to describe things in depth and and help readers visualize the scene. The reason I really like this piece of writing is because it is very close to me and I really enjoyed describing it. To make it better I included more detail as I wanted to improve on it and I also shortened it, taking out most of the unimportant parts.
For my final exam I am going to do a revision for my slice of life that was about that one moment I wanted to capture in a picture. I want to show how I have learned to use words to describe things in depth and and help readers visualize the scene. The reason I really like this piece of writing is because it is very close to me and I really enjoyed describing it. To make it better I included more detail as I wanted to improve on it and I also shortened it, taking out most of the unimportant parts.
My Piece
The flickering flames were hypnotizing, they danced across the pine needles, darting forward towards the afternoon sky before darting back again mesmerizingly. The sound of my friend talking and the crackling noise of the fire were the only sounds in my ears. I felt like it was an honor to be able to watch this big and majestic fire, almost a bonfire in size. We had always thought about making such a fire, but we had never before had the chance or the motivation to do so. I was glad we had finally gotten around to do it, for it was a spectacle, and words could not describe the entirety of its beauty. The smell of roasted pine needles was in the air, along with many a smoke particle drifting about in the light breeze making intricate and intriguing shadows, barely visible on the pavement below. After observing this beautiful piece of nature burn for a few more minutes, we were forced to extinguish it before it got out of hand. Sadly, with bucket in hand, my friend and I tossed water onto the fire, which released a snake-like disappointed hiss and then, it was removed from existence...
About The Author
My name is Lukas, I like tennis and used to like making fires and watching them (as you can tell in the piece above). This obsession of sorts started when my brother showed me how you could start a fire and burn things with a magnifying glass. He later went on to make an explosion of sorts using spray on sunscreen and a magnifying glass, furthering my fascination. But back on topic, I think my writing has improved a lot since last year. I have learned to use more descriptive words as well as “showing not telling”. I have tried my best to improve in my writing this year and I feel like it has payed off, and in the future, I think I will try to work on expanding my vocabulary
I really liked the language you used in your revised piece
ReplyDeleteI liked the descriptive language. You could totally imagine the scene. I was captivated. Your grammar could have been a little bit better, but otherwise fine.
ReplyDeleteI liked the terms you used in your piece. It describes every scenes in detail. Also, you have really good expressiveness. Nice job
ReplyDeleteI liked the terms you used in your piece. It describes every scenes in detail. Also, you have really good expressiveness. Nice job
ReplyDeleteSounds like a daily life in war thunder. Well done lukas.
ReplyDeleteAll the adj and description you used. Very detailed. Recommended XD
Sounds like a daily life in war thunder. Well done lukas.
ReplyDeleteAll the adj and description you used. Very detailed. Recommended XD
Great Job! You had so many great details, and similes that made your piece very interesting. I really liked how you turned a simple event (having a bonfire) and then exploded it into so much more. Once again great job! -Lena Wu
ReplyDeleteThe title sells it. Everybody loves a good pyromaniac child. Anyways, good flow and good use of imagery.
ReplyDeleteVery nice job! Good use of imagery, words, and good descriptive language. Good job! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI love love love thee title! It's awesome! And great job of imagery!
ReplyDeleteGreat use of words! The first sentence hooked me!
ReplyDeleteGood description, I like the imagery you used
ReplyDeleteI really like this, there was a lot of really good imagery. And it's not that weird. Fires are cool.
ReplyDelete