Part I: Context and Reflection
In the paragraph below I explain why tobacco is bad for you. I chose this piece because I think it is an important topic and it shows that my writing has improved. In this paragraph I added academic vocabulary words and added other details that need to be in this paragraph to make it easy for the reader to understand it. These changes improved my writing.
Part II. The Piece
In Health class we are learning about tobacco. Tobacco is very dangerous to our health because it can harm your lungs, make your teeth yellow, and make it hard to breathe. From Mr.Carr’s powerpoint presentation I learned that if you start smoking at age fourteen until you grow up, then you will be addicted to it. As a result it will be hard to quit. In addition, many people have died from larynx cancer and lung cancer because of tobacco. Inside the tobacco there are poisonous gases and nicotine. When you smoke, all of these things that are in tobacco can cause terrible cancer and also it can damage the organs inside your body. According to Mr. Carr, smoking is very bad for you. This lesson was very educational.
Part III. About the author
Willmu Htoo is a motivated student in 7th grade. She enjoys learning history in Social Studies class and drawing in Art class. This year Willmu has improved as an English student. She improved in her grammar by focusing on the past tense and third person singular. She improved in extended response by clearly understanding the task. She hopes to keep improved her writing.
Hi Willmu Htoo, I really liked the way you included a lot of details and explained the effects and stuff resulting in smoking. It really supported your main idea that smoking is bad for you. You also included explanations of stuff which was helpful. Overall, Great Job!!!
ReplyDeleteHello! I thought your writing was really good and unique. Most people wrote about reading reflections but you made it about health, which I thought was really cool. Also, I really like how you wrote the, about the author, part in third person because in novels they do that too. Good job! -Lena Wu
ReplyDeleteIt felt a little too stiff. Maybe your can add sentences together (still avoiding run-on sentences) and maybe fix up stiffy sentences like "When you smoke, all of these things that are in tobacco can cause terrible cancer and also it can damage the organs inside your body" Otherwise, I guess it was educational, like the picture, and 777777 = 777,2
ReplyDeleteSeoky's Grade: Norway In Netherlands Eats Two Yaks. Four Igloos Vainly Eat.
(Uh, that's Ninety Five, by the way.)